But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
