good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
