I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
whose parrot is this?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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