Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Oh god it's open bar.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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