I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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