life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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