I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
