I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
