She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
