I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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