he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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