And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
