When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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