opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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