ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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