Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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