Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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