No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
