Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
