oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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