So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
