My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
