her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
