chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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