my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We had sex on a dog bed..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize