I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
