You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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