My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
