I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
