Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
