he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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