You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
