I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
