I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
