he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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