she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
well you can't waste a boner
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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