I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
