Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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