i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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