I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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