We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
