My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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