Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
