it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
