Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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