even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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