ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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