textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
