i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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