So drunk, too bad you don't want this
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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