He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
