I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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