You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
