I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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