before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
