i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
