Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
