As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
