I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
