why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize