areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
