I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i think i just lost a toe
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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