YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
