Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
