Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
