Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
