Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
