I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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