drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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