She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
