It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
