I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
