his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
