I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
