My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
