Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
