tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just had sex on a roof
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
