You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
