the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
