this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
