she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Damn victory sex feels great
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
