how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
