I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
