I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
