Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
