i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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