Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My balls are so social today.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
