sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
