Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
A+ Viking dick
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
