Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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