everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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