I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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