Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Reggie can tackle my bush.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize