you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
