We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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